His face, his face was like none I had ever seen. His face was filled with terror and fear. His eyes were lost and alone. I will never forget his face. I have spoke of this man before. When I shared about him waiting to get the MRI after me before I went into surgery. His face ever so often comes to mind. I wonder why. Maybe it is because it was right before surgery and lets be honest I don’t remember too terribly much of “before surgery” stuff or maybe it is because his face was imprinted on my heart due to its sadness. I will never forget his face.
As that face popped up in my mind today I began to look back at it. I decided to see what was in that face that made it so memorable. He was around 30 years of age and did not speak much English, yet when we made eye contact we both somehow understood what each other was facing.
I had not broke down at that time. I had shed a few tears and been held with a hug for a bit. I thought at that point I had dealt with the weight of all that was going on. But when I saw that face, that face full of fear, I realized something. That mid 30-year-old Hispanic man was me. That scared and terrified man was the little girl inside of me curled up. It was the little girl inside of me trying to be brave and not let her fear show. When I looked into the eyes of that man I saw my reflection. I began to weep. All the way down the hall, up the elevator, to my room I cried and cried. As I fell into the arms of my mom in the hospital room I cried harder and harder. Tears fell quickly down my face as I began to tell her of the man I saw down by the MRI room. I told her about how we managed to communicate and how I was able to tell him we would be ok.
As I was reminded of that moment today and that man’s face, I began to realize why it had such an impact on my heart and why it is one of few things I can remember from the few hours before surgery. That reason is this. When I saw that man and looked into those eyes I realized we were different. We were not different because of our gender, age, and race. No that was not why we were different at all. We were different because when I looked at his face and in his eyes there was no hope. There was no “I will make it” in his eyes. The only thing there was sadness and fear. The only difference between this man and me was that even though the little girl inside of me was scared, curled up, and trying to be brave. This little girl inside of me was scared in her Sovereign Lord’s presence. She was curled up in her Heavenly Daddy’s lap. She was hiding her fear in the shoulder of her Holy and Mighty Best Friend. The difference between this precious man and me was that I had Hope. I had and still have Living Hope. The Hope that my Sovereign Lord, Heavenly Daddy, and Holy and Mighty Best Friend still does and forever will have me. That face breaks my heart every time it comes to my mind and every time it comes to my mind I am reminded of the miracle I have received from my Living Hope. I am so thankful for that face that I will never forget. Soli Deo Gloria!
Hebrews 13:5b-6
for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 6 So we can confidently say,
“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?”
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