I am beginning to have an issue with the blogs I see about singleness. Not because I don’t think they’re good but I find that they scream at you the “It’s ok!Look here’s a list of 25 things that you can still do while single.“
Really? That’s great and all but I kind of feel like when we read these post they are really just covering up what most single people are actually thinking.
I think a lot of times we get this idea in our heads that make us afraid to be honest and say the truth about singleness and it is this “it can really be lonely.” When all of your friends are dating, engaged, or married you can feel left out. I mean lets be real if you go hangout with them you are a 3rd or even worse a 5th wheel. That is just awkward unless you are really good friends with them and they understand how to interact as a couple with a single person. But regardless it just puts you in that lonely place where you and other people start saying things like “someday, you just wait there is a great one out there for ya!” “You are just too great a catch and have not found the one who is good enough for you!” and my absolute favorite “Someday your prince will come!” Really? Really? Cause I am thinking you don’t know the future unless God told you something that He has not told me and if so please share but I am not seeing anything on its way and I am tired of me and others living lives with this “someday when I am married” plan in the back of our heads. I am sick of people saying things like “well you really shouldn’t do something like that until you have a spouse and obviously God would not call a single person like you to that if He wasn’t going to bring you a spouse.” Again really?
So here are my thoughts,
I love reading single blogs but they always leave me feeling lonely or not quite good enough. When I read the list of 25 things I see it and automatically think “how fun they would be to do with my husband”. I know I am contradicting everything I have said but hear me out. What I want to know is why no one is being honest about this single thing. I know for me, I really have found a contentment and patience in singleness but that longing of someday doing life with my husband sounds like the most amazing thing I could ever imagine. To love him and be loved by him. To go on adventures with him. To make a list of 25 things to do together. To know that the love and relationship we have is a tiny glimpse and reflection of the Lord and His love for His people. That is beautiful!
I am 21 and will be 22 in 4 days. I have really have learned to be “ok” in singleness and am genuinely happy. I really do want to complete a list of 25 things single people can do before marriage because I am stubborn and want to. But I am also ok with being honest and admitting that singleness can really be the dumps. I want people to be ok with admitting that marriage is something they desire. That although they are content in being single they can still desire companionship and a spouse. Why is that something in our culture that isn’t said more often? God made us with relational desires and one of the biggest and most culturally found ways that is accomplish is in marriage. That’s ok! I find that a lot of people even myself have a hard time admitting that we really do want to be married someday. We need to be ok in that desire and yet still find contentment in the Lord in our singleness cause that is just as beautiful as marriage.
Here we go with the typical “Christian girl end” to this blog.
I love being single and am beyond hopeful that the Lord brings me a husband to do life with and glorify Him with but this is what I have learned being single and would not trade the lessons for any spouse.
- I long to be pursued. As a single woman pressing into Christ I have never known the steadfast pursuit the Lord has for me like I do now. No person could ever pursue me or romance me like the Lord does.
- When I return that love and spend time with Him I am satisfied.
- When I feel alone I never am cause He is with me.
- When all my friends are on dates I get Him to myself and my attention goes to Him. You don’t have any distractions then.
- When I need Him, He is always there. He doesn’t let other things to get in the way of our relationship like I do. He is my best friend, He is the love of my life.
- He knows the desires of my heart and is excited to fulfill them with me and do them with me.
- He loves me!
- Plus there is no drama in our relationship!
Again, I want to just say that it is ok to want marriage and admit it. That is not a desperate cry. It’s being real and honest. It is ok to read and post blogs about singleness (I am obviously guilty in that). It is totally possible to find contentment in singleness and still have a longing for a spouse. I love that I desire a spouse because it pushes me to Jesus! Finally, it is ok to say “I really don’t want to be single the rest of my life.”
Hope this wasn’t depressing or negative! Just thought it was needed to be said!
Soli Deo Gloria,