It is funny to look back and see all that the Lord was doing to prepare me for my new journey. From countless moments of Him teaching me to trust Him, reminding me that He is sovereign above all, and also causing me to see how He is so elaborate. It is also funny calling this my “new journey”. Reason one because it is God’s and reason two because the doctor said I have probably had this tumor my how life. I guess it’s my “now known journey”.
It has been interesting seeing the reactions from my family and friends. The reaction spectrum is huge. I get reactions from “huh that makes sense”, “Man girl I am so sorry”, “Leah I don’t know what to say”, “I just don’t understand”, “I wish I lived closer so I could be there”, “Oh praise God its just a brain tumor we thought worse” to “………tear………tear………hug…………tear…………tear”
People ask how I am handling everything and honestly I am ok. I am in God’s hands. Sometimes I question if I really understand what is going on since I am so ok. Maybe I am taking it too lightly or too seriously. Then I remember Who this whole thing is actually about and remember that it is for His glory and that I really am ok.
I like being reminded that God is a God Who heals but also allows. See some how in His sovereignty there is room for both struggle and healing. I know that doesn’t sit right with many. God does say in John 14:13-14 “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me[a] anything in my name, I will do it.”
He also says in Romans 8:26-28 “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because[a] the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[b] for those who are called according to his purpose.”
But also in John 9 we see that a man was born blind just so that Christ’s power could be revealed in Christ healing the man.
Therefore, yes we serve a God of healing but also a God who allows things for a time so that His glory may be revealed. It sounds so contradictory I know, but somehow there is room for this: for God to desire His children no pain and for God to allow His children to suffer. Bottom line is, God is God and we are not. He causes the sun to rise in the morning and to set at night. He created the universe from nothing. We serve a God whose mere words are so powerful that they bring life forth. My God is sovereign! He is elaborate! He holds me in His hands and speaks sweetly over me. He created me to bring Him glory and glory I will bring. I am thankful that He joyfully receives the little I bring to Him as glory. He deserves so much more!